After almost a decade of practice as a dietitian helping countless clients on their weight-loss journeys, the biggest barrier I have struggled with is getting them to change their mindset about how weight loss works.
Particularly the clients whose weight problems are fuelled by years of diet culture, unhealthy relationships with food, lack of confidence and self-efficacy, self–sabotage, low moods and a chronic obsession with losing weight. It’s the kind of disruptive obsession where thoughts about their weight and weight-loss is resulting in distress and anxiety.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight.
Fundamentally, your body weight is just a measurement. Just like the room temperature or air pressure – it has a measured value, but not a moral value. It just is what it is. If you want to change it, you can – if you have the tools and the ability to do it, that is. As I sit in my office typing this article, the room temperature is uncomfortably cold, to the point where all my fingers are aching in pain. “Just turn up the heat” I hear you all say. “Just push up the temp by a couple of degrees”. But alas, I lack the tools to do so – it’s a central heating system and I simply do not have time in my busy day to be bothered enough to find out who can fix this. In a similar vein, “just lose X kgs” is often poor and simplistic advice thrown at someone without taking into consideration their ability, capacity, readiness or even desire to do so.
Which brings me back to the weight-obsessed client who is still stuck at square one despite “trying everything”.
I have seen this unhealthy obsession with weight across all genders, starting from the tender age of 10 up to 82 years old, with diverse amounts of body fat and weight – it really does not discriminate. There is usually a degree of disordered eating behaviours such as restrictive eating (fasting or intentionally skipping meals, extreme calorie reduction, cutting out food groups) and binge eating, accompanied by mental anguish or anxiety about food and eating in general. At its worst, it can spiral into a severe mental illness in the form of a full-blown eating disorder. Eating disorders have the highest death rate of all mental illnesses, which is over 12 times that of people without eating disorders – regardless of what they weigh.
Let that fact sink in for a while.
The irony is that if you ask any of my weight-obsessed clients, majority will say it started with the simple and earnest intention of improving their health. Whilst I am not arguing about the relationship between obesity, chronic disease risk and the burden on public health; I am also cautious about proverbially ‘robbing Peter to pay Paul’ and the consequences of unrealistic weight loss expectations on a person’s mental health. And there is a clear relationship between someone’s mental health status and their ability and capacity to make the decisions required for long term weight loss success.
All too often, however, clients would also blame their weight as a major cause of their poor mental health. Their obsession and dissatisfaction with their weight is fuelling poorer moods and mental health, which leads to poor lifestyle choices, decisions and behaviours. This then leads to a lack of weight loss or even results in weight gain. Which then loops back into their mental health and spirals further and further out of control. WHEN WILL THIS END?
Stop being driven by weight alone
The only way to break that vicious cycle is to remove the obsession with your weight. Focus instead on positive lifestyle behaviours that will boost your mental health and moods without the weight agenda. Things like:
- Drinking some water or a relaxing cup of tea.
- Moving your body and getting your heart rate up – do something you enjoy, not something you think you should be doing. (My personal favourite is dancing along with that guy in the ‘Lonely Boy’ music video by The Black Keys – 3 minutes of fun. So good)
- Eat some fresh fruit or vegetables each day
- Avoid going long periods of time without any food or drinks
- Doing an activity that lifts your mood – cuddle an animal, or do a hobby activity
- Working on getting better sleep
As your moods and capacity for change improves, you’ll find it much easier to “stay on track” with the nitty–gritty actions required for long-term health such as meal planning, cooking, measuring portion sizes of your foods, watching your calories and all that jazz.
Learn to accept yourself
“No, I like you very much just as you are.” – Mr Darcy, Bridget Jones’ Diary
Poor body image, self-disgust, self-loathing and lack of confidence are not useful tools to have in any toolbox, let alone a weight-loss one. Dissatisfaction is the biggest killer of motivation. Learning to love and accept yourself for who you are, and not what you weigh, can be challenging especially if you have spent years being told (or telling yourself!) otherwise.
Everyone deserves to feel happy, safe and be treated with respect regardless of their size or weight. Our society has a lot to answer for in terms of fat-shaming and the negative stigma associated with fat-ness or having a bigger body size. That being said, in order for society to slowly change we must start from within ourselves and have trust that society will follow in turn. After all, actions are stronger than words and our children and the next generation are watching what we do. If we don’t want to be judged, we must stop judging others. If we don’t want comments about our bodies, let’s stop talking or participating in conversations about other peoples’ weight and bodies. If our children are being mean about someone’s weight or body, don’t ignore it but teach them about acceptance and respect.
I have previously written an article here about making friends with your body. In addition to what is in that article, it can be helpful to work with a professional counsellor or psychologist who is experienced in this area. Once you are much happier and satisfied with a stronger positive outlook, your capacity and ability for weight management – if you so desire – is going to significantly improve.
