Mental health recovery is a deeply personal journey, but it typically involves managing symptoms, regaining control, and building a meaningful life. Along the way, setbacks and self-doubt can arise, making the process challenging. This is where self-compassion becomes essential – it helps ease the struggle and supports healing.
What is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a loved one.
Associate Professor and self-compassion pioneer, Dr. Kristin Neff, outlines three key aspects of self-compassion:
- Self-kindness vs. self-judgment: Being gentle with yourself instead of harshly critical.
- Common humanity vs. isolation: Remembering that everyone struggles and makes mistakes – it’s part of being human.
- Mindfulness vs. over-identification: Observing and accepting your thoughts and emotions without getting overwhelmed by them.
Self-compassion is also an active practice that involves:
- Recognising when you are struggling or in pain.
- Remembering that everyone faces difficulties.
- Responding with kindness and care rather than avoiding, ignoring, or judging.
- Acting on helpful ways to soothe and support yourself.
How Self-Compassion Supports Healing
Research shows that higher self-compassion is linked to better mental health. Many therapies, including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), and Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT), emphasise the role of self-compassion in reducing psychological distress and promoting well-being.
Here’s how it helps:
- Reduces self-criticism: Negative self-talk often fuels anxiety and depression. Self-compassion shifts this inner dialogue to one of support and encouragement, reducing feelings of shame, unhelpful social comparison, and fear of failure.
- Builds resilience: Self-compassionate people handle setbacks better. They prioritise self-care, set healthy boundaries, and engage in positive behaviours that promote well-being.
- Improves emotional regulation: Instead of suppressing or avoiding difficult emotions, self-compassion encourages acceptance and healthy coping strategies, reducing reliance on unhelpful habits like substance use, self-harm, overeating or overworking. Self-compassion also promotes accountability, forgiveness, and compromise, leading to better–quality relationships.
Simple Ways to Build Self-Compassion
1. Treat Yourself Like a Friend
When struggling, ask yourself: How would I treat a friend in this situation?
Consider what you might feel for that person, what you might say and do for them, and the tone of voice and body language you typically would use. Then direct that experience toward yourself.
2. Challenge Self-Critical Thoughts
Replace negative self-talk with compassionate statements. For example:
- Instead of “I’m a failure,” try “I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.”
- Instead of “I need to do more,” remind yourself, “I have limits, and it’s okay to rest.”
- Instead of “I’m so stupid,” say “I am growing, learning, and allowed to make mistakes along the way.”
3. Create a Self-Soothing Toolbox
Identify comforting and soothing activities, such as taking a warm bath, listening to music, journaling, spending time in nature, or connecting with a loved one. Consider pre-planning activities into your week and keeping a list of go-to activities for tough moments.
4. Use Compassionate Imagery
Research shows that imagery can be powerful in triggering emotions and physical sensations. Visualising a kind and supportive figure (real or imagined) offering you encouragement and care, and regularly connecting with this image can help activate feelings of compassion when needed.
Final Thoughts
Mental health recovery isn’t about perfection or never struggling – it’s about learning to support yourself with kindness and patience.
When setbacks happen (and they will), self-compassion reminds you that struggle is part of being human, not a personal failure. It gives you the strength to face challenges and the courage to keep moving forward. And in that gentle, understanding space, real growth happens.
Self-compassion is a skill that develops over time. So, start small, and gradually incorporate it into your daily life.
Be gentle with yourself – you are growing in ways you cannot yet see.
Registered Psychologist Rachael Carrick is passionate about de-stigmatising the experience of mental ill-health and promoting the use of self-care and self-compassion.
References:
Bag, S. D., Kilby, C. J., Kent, J. N., Brooker, J., & Sherman, K. A. (2022). Resilience, self-compassion, and indices of psychological wellbeing: a not so simple set of relationships. Australian Psychologist, 57(4), 249–257.
MacBeth, A., and Gumley, A. (2012) Exploring compassion: a meta-analysis of the association between self-compassion and psychopathology. Clinical Psychology Review, 32 (6). pp. 545-552.
Neff, K. D. (2023). Self-Compassion: Theory, Method, Research, and Intervention. Annual Review of Psychology, 74:193-217.
Saulsman, L., Campbell, B., & Sng, A. (2017). Building Self-Compassion: From Self-Criticism to Self-Kindness. Perth, Western Australia: Centre for Clinical Interventions.
